No being can be prepared for that, this life filled of mysteries, of light, and of… so much darkness. She gave me hope, this feeling as impalpable as a mountain’s streaming water.

I still feel this melancholia. I am so cold. My mind shakes with fear, though my body remains so still. The thought of one day losing hope of meeting my dear Lucimène again fills me with horror. I can’t live without thinking about it, without forgetting.

During all these past years I have been with you, you were the only one who could keep me away from the hot springs of anger but now I am unable to resist its lure, as for the abyss…

On this day I write these lines, I am nevertheless growing unafraid, this warmth manages to relieve me from a peculiar suffering I’ve always battled to uncover within.

Resisting this world that is crushing me becomes harder and harder. I, who have always aspired to its control, since you’ve been gone, I finally realize. All of that, it is just an illusion. I remember the explorations, the discoveries we were making together. So many unbelievable things that we didn’t even consider the existence of, and yet… Nothing prevented your death.

There is a memory that will always remain engraved in my soul, this final travel, this horrendous but oh so warm day, which was the only moment I felt the flow of life through me. I feel so much guilt that I let this feeling of contemplation take over me when you died. Static, as if the last thread connecting me to this degenerating world was abruptly snapped. I was overwhelmed with a comforting feeling of void. Once this fleeting moment passed, I felt again the existence of pain; I screamed your name to the sky one last time as I saw you fall down the cliff. My love for you was the epitome of love. I know I did not always meet your expectations. Perfection, even if I seeked it within me, I soon gave it up after meeting the ultimate personification of it in this sad world: you, Lucimène. 

These ice-blue eyes, so cold, so deep, that I will behold no more because of an acquaintance I regretfully supported : Tatiana. She was and always had been in charge of every expedition we participated in. They often went really well, but not this time… She will never undertake the consequences.

Her thirst for the quest’s goal pushed her to risk the life of her companions. Why did you have to suffer the consequences. She sacrificed you over a so-called unfortunate group decision.  

After the incident, we had to renounce the mountain’s pass ascension. Tatiana was unable to see what laid at the end of our journey. Finally, following this failure, we had to abandon the idea of doing this expedition again. Alas, she was preparing something, I knew it when she met me to propose we should try the expedition again. She needed me.

I had so much wrath towards her. Despite all, at the time I was weak, very weak, and my feelings were equally mixed. A sour bitterness grew in me,as long as this profound anger, burning, which tormented my mind. With shy eyes, she attempted to seduce me with this so-called artifact which would be hidden up there. 

She told me about the powers of this artifact, a crown which belonged to a necromancer: it would have the capacity to resuscitate the deceased. I did not believe a word of it. Though, her blind enthusiasm appeared to me like a weakness of her, and now, a vengeful thought started to draw within my mind.

Without thinking about the consequences, I once again agreed to help her.

This is how we left, like back then, to join the den of death and cold hell. Hours during we climbed the pass. On this day the weather was far more hostile than at our first time. It was snowing heavily and the freezing wind was scraping my skin… I couldn’t take it anymore. Nothing but my vengeful thought helped me through this obstacle. My wish of retaliation was starting to take form and became a concrete plan, which could be called machiavelic. 

We had arrived at the place you fell, I could not wait more. Tatiana was standing before me to clear the snowy way. The moment would be perfect, and it was. I drew my knife and cut the rope bonding us together, the poor girl turned, asking what I was doing. I had almost no strength left to speak, I was shivering. I couldn’t hold anything back, tears which instantly froze on my face began to flow. Whipping, by such an ordinary move, I pushed her in the ravine.

It was done for her. Despite this, the warmth I once welcomed in me was still burning from within. The suffering would not go. I then decided to resume the ascension, clear of regrets. I had a need to find my true nature, the ropes, even broken, and the place’s extreme weather did not suffice to cold my heart, boiling from this premeditated act of violence.

I at last arrived to the temple where rested the crown of the deceased. The suffering was still overwhelming me even more, distraught, I took off the crown from the head of a charcoal-dark skeleton which laid on the throne, in the middle of the room.

A pleasing sensation took over me. It was what I needed. My mind appeased, my thoughts became clear and limpid, but in a very different way than before.

The same feeling of immobility I had when you died stunned me, resisting… I could, for the first time, account of it.

In the end, it feels like I finally became myself. It seems that I am born again in this world, and in another one, much darker, at the same time. The crown, I wondered: was it a bridge between deceased and livings? I then meditated for a while…I realized the extent of my existence, of life and also… Of death… I heard the voices of the missings around me, whispering incomprehensible speeches. Was I dead? No… I was hearing, I was seeing, i was feeling, I was almost touching the tormented spirits from the tips of my fingers, as if they were trapped in this world.

I don’t know how long I stayed up there, sitting, passive, reflecting on what Tatiana told me about the artifact’s powers. The legend turned out to be true, and if the crown could give life back, why not to you, Lucimène…

I first would have to learn to control this improbable power.

Years during I used this power on the corpses I could find, but I always remained mixed about the results. The world of the livings being now much foreign to me, I did not know any limit to my creativity anymore, neither to the baseness of my ethics.

The biggest obstacle was to reach the bottom of this rift, your resting place, and to take back from the ice your frozen body.

I am so scared of what you could have become, or to have forgotten you and to be disappointed of not finding back the perfection which was yours…  

Now, I have to prepare. I have to take your body to the crypt where I found the crown to maximise my chances for your return. There lies a darkness, an auspicious climate for your resurrection.